Saturday, April 13, 2013

A humble plea

One thing I ask of the LORDthis I seek:To dwell in the house of the LORDall the days of my life,That I may gaze on the loveliness of the LORDand contemplate his temple.

21 days away from The OC Marathon and I’m getting ready for my longest run EVER in tomorrow morning. 20miles and more than 100 people to pray for, so far. I can’t believe its only three weeks away! I’ve been training since January and it all feels like its coming to a slow end, as I look toward the coming weeks of shorter runs before race day.

But I know that it’s not coming to an end. Race day is still on the horizon and I have no doubt that the marathon will be the most physically challenging thing I’ve done in my whole life (and lets consider that I used to work in fitness and let fellow trainers put me through all kinds of torture). Not only because I’ll be running 26.2 miles, but because over the past few weeks I have really started to approach the more physically challenging parts of running through seeking solidarity with the saints who went through physical trials. And thinking about how much sacrifice the Lord sometimes asks, of those He makes strong enough to be able to bear it, can be quite scary and intimidating. I don’t know what I’ll experience on the day of the marathon, but I can say that up until now God has only been revealing Himself and His mercy more and more as my training becomes more challenging.

Of course my marathon has transformed into less of a fundraising effort recently, and more of an effort to gather prayer requests even from people who aren’t able to support me financially. God has placed you in the depths of my heart, my friends, and I want to pray for as many people as I can. You know by now that this is how I want to spend my whole life. But I continue to need your help. Please understand how difficult it is for this poor, incredibly proud sinner to ask for this kind of assistance. And I feel at this point that my twitter and FB posts are just getting annoying. I do so earnestly apologize for anyone who has been fed up with me talking about my race in recent weeks. But where the sponsorships seemed to be on an incline for a short time, it now seems as if interest in my effort is dying out.

I am praying for the strength to persevere, and for charity in my heart, because you, my friends, have told me yourself just how much my running this race means to you. My heart burns for the desires you hold deep within yours, and I am praying the Lord will give you peace through all of your own trials, even if He is asking you to accept heavy crosses that sometimes seem too heavy to bear. Oh how I wish that money had nothing to do with my running this race. Truly I do. I wish that I could run solely for your intentions and cease this horrible plea for financial aide. But this is my cross, and if the Lord should ask me to endure it for five, ten, even twenty more years before I am free to finally give him my full “Yes,” then I will continue running with such fervor that all demons which plague the world will cower and hide when they hear the sound of my sneakers coming down the street.

I know that the Lord is with me. He dwells in the depths of my heart and I need only to quiet my mind to see Him firmly planted at the root of my being. But I am human. And I worry sometimes. And I have fear sometimes. And I feel lonely sometimes. Please, my brothers and sisters, I beg you to pray for me as I draw more deeply into this experience of trying to trust completely in the Lord – that He will someday allow me be free of this worldly obstacle of my debt. I long to spend my life offering perfect prayers for you and all your needs. But I must be free to do this, which I am not yet. 

If you are reading this, and have not yet felt moved to contribute but think you might soon… please, I am asking you to do so now. It is 4:30 on Saturday afternoon and I am so close to the $10,000 mark, which I was hoping to reach by the end of this week. Please don’t wait any longer my friends! These next three weeks are so crucial, and the more support I have, the more others might feel moved to contribute to a worthy cause. And I ask you to trust me, my faithful brothers and sisters, that while I am an incredibly unworthy servant of the Lord, your gift to my vocation is a gift to Him. You are helping me give my life to Him – so that He can make me worthy of serving Him for your sake – and that is a worthy cause.

Lord give me strength to embrace your timing. Your timing is perfect. I know I must wait. 

May God bless you abundantly, and make you true saints. I ask Our Lady to give you peace. To give us all peace. 

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