A very fancy video...

The Final Match, and then some

Ave Maria!

Somebody named Skyler drew this. Thank you Skyler! :)

The final amount donated between July 16th - 31st was $7,435... and that means that over the course of two weeks you helped support me with a total of $14,870.00 ...
A. MA. ZING. !! Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed so far this year, especially those who have supported me through prayer and through sharing my story, whether or not you have been able to help me financially. I cannot express how grateful I am for your kindness, my friends. I am truly blessed by you and by God.  I am taking each of your prayer requests to Him as they come in, and with me every time I go running. They will be going with me when I enter the monastery, so that I can continue praying for you for the rest of my life! ... But my fundraising effort is not over yet!

I now have 10 days left to go before the Water to Wine Half marathon - where I will be praying for all of you and giving thanks to God for the abundant graces He has sent me! This time around will be a little different - I will be praying full rosaries and Divine Mercy Chaplets throughout the race - in 5 different languages :). Each rosary and chaplet will have a different intention, and some individual decades may even have their own specific intentions. But be assured that I will be praying for each and every one of you during the race - as well as during the mini-pilgrimage / retreat I will be making out of the weekend.

The amount left to raise is just under $18k (slightly more than the numbers reflect on gofundme.com/litanyrun... due to site fees and loan interest...), and I will be informing Mother Mary Augustine of the status of my debt on August 15th - the day we celebrate the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Friends, you helped me raise almost $15k in just two weeks... I fully trust in the Lord that He will move the perfect number of hearts to support me with the perfect amount of finances to enter my community in His perfect time. I know many of you have given more than once and I can't thank you enough... so now I am asking that you please share share share with everyone you know. Even if you encounter a person of faith who you know can't help me with money... please share my story with them and ask them to pray for me. And to pray with me, for we are all members working in prayer together, as one Body of Christ!

If you have been following the 99-Day Novena Relay you know that yesterday we capped off the 9-days of prayer through the intercession of St. Jude & St. Rita. The patron saints of lost causes and desperate situations! I mean... is it any wonder why you were moved to be so generous during these last 9 days? I think not! Today we handed off to those who are praying through the intercession of St. Therese of Lisieux. The little flower! Patroness of my home diocese :). All around good gal. This is Leg 9 of the Relay! Wow after this we will have prayed NINE novenas in a row for religious vocations and all of our personal intentions. There must be some special indulgence for that or something. :D kidding! Only two more Legs to go after this!

Also a couple of you have noticed that I have stopped posting the daily reflections/meditations that correspond to St. Louis de Montfort's Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary... which I said I would be posting until the 15th. I stopped for various reasons - but the main (albeit selfish) one is that I just don't think I can commit the time to posting every single night for the next 15 days! Haha. God is keeping me occupied with His work elsewhere. But hopefully you have had a sufficient taste of one element of the consecration - and will now go off to find out more about it on your own. Hurry up! The next start date is August 6th remember?? Don't be afraid to allow Our Lady to penetrate into your life in a magnificent way. And don't be afraid of loving her too much like lots of people in the world say we catholics do... you can never love her more than Jesus loves her!

God bless you my friends. Pray for me please.

A Most Joyous Occassion

What a beautiful and wonderful day!! Deo gratias! 

Friends, as we bring the final few hours of this two week donation matching challenge to a close – I want to thank you SO much for your generous support, especially to those angels who have donated multiple times over the last couple weeks. Just about 3.5 hours left until the challenge ends, and so far your gifts to be matched have reached a wonderful $6,470 (as of 8:15pm PST). WOW. :D.

L-R Fresno seminarians Jorge A. Cruz, Oscar Anaya, ME! and Lisa Hendey

Today I was a guest on KNXT’s Making the Grade talk show with the famous and wonderful Lisa Hendey – creator of Catholicmom.com. We were joined by two of our seminarians for the Diocese of Fresno, and we discussed fostering vocations in the home. What a blessing! THEN I headed over to the St. Paul Newman Center for a lovely time being interview about my vocation for Newman News – for a segment they are doing on wrapping up World Youth Day. How amazing to get to share my vocation with a bit of a wider audience in Fresno!

Mother Mary Augustine giving Sr. Mary Magdalene a pin
just after her entrance. This is what we will look like for
the first year. We will (God willing) become novices on
June 6, 2014. Then we will have white habits & veils,
and new religious names :). Sr. Mary Something...

In the midst of all this I received a most joyous email from Mother Mary Augustine – she informed me that there will be another young woman entering with me on the 28^th. I’ve met her twice and am so happy that she has answered God’s desire for her to enter on the Feast of St. Augustine! She had originally planned to enter after the beginning of next year. I don’t know what changed… but could it have anything to do with our dear St. Rita & St. Jude? I am so excited that I will have a postulant companion… its is quite imprudent but I can hardly contain myself! God is so good. 

On top of everything else, I started this morning off with the most beautiful run I have had in a long time, and came home to a message from a new television network set to launch this fall… that they are interested in doing a profile on me. By the time it airs I will have entered already, but to know that if it is God’s will for the interview to happen – that a great number of young people might be exposed to the idea of religious life, who might never have had that exposure before. Please pray with me, friends, that God’s will be made manifest in every moment of my life, especially now in these last 4 weeks leading up to my entrance date. And pray that the Lord will send me more generous souls, like you, to help pay down my loans as much as possible, and as soon as possible! God bless you and keep you, and make you into saints!  

The commission of the publican

Today was the 10th Sunday after Pentecost according to the Roman Missal of 1962 - which we follow in the Extraordinary Form of the mass. The gospel was from Luke 18:9-14 where Jesus speaks the parable of the Pharisee and the publican to some who trusted themselves as just, but despised others. This was particularly powerful today because of two items:

1. If you are renewing your consecration to Jesus through Mary on August 15th, during this time you are reflecting particularly on allowing God to enhance your self-knowledge and let you see what a great sinner you truly art. How in need of His Mercy you are, and how accessible that Mercy is to those who recognize how much they need it.

2. The Novus Ordo gospel for today showed us Christ instructing the Apostles to go out and make disciples of all nations.

How very amazing to have had mass in Rio available on live stream this morning, where this later gospel was read to over 3 million young catholics and was followed with a homily given by one of God's greatest manifestations of humility - our Holy Father Pope Francis. Here is the most powerful man in the world. One who, especially during this present time in salvation history, could very easily become a pharisee-esque hypocrite. Yet he is our greatest example of constant self-examination and ever increasing self-knowledge which brings out nothing but levels of humility that seem to run deeper and deeper as time goes on. May we all have the courage to continually search within ourselves just as our Supreme Pontiff does, and be always thankful that the Lord allows us short and shallow peeks into our true nature and our need for His unfathomable Mercy.

Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary - Week 1 Day 4

True Devotion To the Blessed Virgin Mary, No. 228
Preparatory Exercises

During the first week they should offer up all their prayers and acts of devotion to acquire knowledge of themselves and sorrow for their sins. Let them perform all their actions in a spirit of humility. With this end in view they may, if they wish, meditate on what I have said concerning our corrupted nature, and consider themselves during six days of the week as nothing but sails, slugs, toads, swine, snakes and goats. Or else they may meditate on the following three considerations of St. Bernard: "Remember what you were -corrupted seed; what you are - a body destined for decay; what you will be -food for worms." They will ask our Lord and the Holy Spirit to enlighten them saying, "Lord, that I may see," or "Lord, let me know myself," or the "Come, Holy Spirit". Every day they should say the Litany of the Holy Spirit, with the prayer that follows, as indicated in the first part of this work. They will turn to our Blessed Lady and beg her to obtain for them that great grace which is the foundation of all others, the grace of self-knowledge. For this intention they will say each day the Ave Maris Stella and the Litany of the Blessed Virgin.

Imitation of Christ: Book 2, Chapter 5
Of Self-consideration

We cannot trust over much to ourselves (Jer. 17:5), because grace oftentimes is wanting to us, and understanding also. Little light is there in us, and this we quickly lose by our negligence. Oftentimes too we perceive not our inward blindness how great it is. Oftentimes we do evil, and excuse it worse (Psalm 141:4). We are sometimes moved with passion, and we think it zeal. We reprehend small things in others, and pass over our own greater matters (Matt. 7:5). Quickly enough we feel and weigh what we suffer at the hands of others; but we mind not how much others suffer from us. He that well and rightly considereth his own works, will find little cause to judge hardly of another.

And then there were none

It's almost Sunday!! And probably will be, by the time most of you read this. Happy day of the Lord, my friends! Today I am two weeks out from the Water to Wine Half Marathon, and only $8.00 away from passing the $25k mark in my fundraising, praise the Lord! I am SO excited to find out

who the Lord has chosen to be the person who pushes me over this milestone! A very great blessing it will be for both of us.

z

Indeed this week has been a tremendous blessing for so many young catholics. If you have been following the events in Rio de Janeiro, (which I'm sure you have), you know what I mean. Saturday afternoon I was in the middle of finishing up some online shopping - getting items I need for my entrance which I can't find in stores anywhere around here - when I realized they were in the middle of the vigil with Pope Francis at that very moment! I quickly clicked over to the live streaming and was able to participate in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and benediction with our Holy Father. This was such a grace for me, my friends! For it was this very event that I missed seeing in Madrid two years ago. While Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was inside Quatro Vientos Aerodrome telling close to two million young people how important it was that they be open to religious vocations, I was locked outside with my group and the Sisters of Life - singing vespers in the rain and receiving interior confirmation that the Lord did indeed wish for me to discern my vocation. To be able to participate in this World Youth Day's final adoration meant so much to me since it was, God willing, the last WYD I will ever have the chance to participate in at all. This does not make me sad, my brother and sisters! The Good Lord opened my heart to His will for me through this blessed event, and I am so thankful that I have been able to attend two World Youth Days (I went to Cologne in 2005). But throughout this day I have been reflecting on the intention I had to attend Rio and whether or not I regret not having been able to go. The answer is of course - not at all!

This has always been my favorite picture from WYD Madrid. The neon green umbrella, held by Fr. Vincent Druding, guided our group of pilgrims from the Archdiocese of New York and all of the Sisters of Life present at the event,
once we were finally allowed into the vigil site (supposedly crowded to capacity during our first attempts at the beginning of the evening) around 11pm after a night of singing and dancing and grubbing in a forest. We missed the vigil festivities and the Holy Father, but we found a place to set up camp right in front of an adoration tent, and stayed up all night with Jesus. 

There is such a true peace and excitement in my heart about the prospect of entering the Bethlehem Priory of St. Joseph in just 31 days... that I sincerely do not have any regrets about things I will not have experienced when I leave the world. Of course there are still countless things in the world that would be wonderful to experience and that I do desire very much. Of course it would have been amazing to go to Rio and once again stand among so many young people whose hearts are on fire for God and who are passionately embracing the New Evangelization. But The Lord gave me to be more than satisfied experiencing this event from my home. I honestly think I received joy just as abundantly as if I had been there - simply adoring Him from the screen of my computer, in my own little corner, in my own little room. Perhaps more.  

I am very thankful for this burden of my student debt, for it has given me now two years to grow in spiritual maturity (of which I still have only a miniscule amount - in fact barely any at all...). As I now place all my trust in the Lord and prepare to enter in exactly one month, even though my debt is still quite substantial, it is becoming increasingly clear how necessary it was for me to have these two years to detach from the world - enough that the life experiences I will never have I now embrace as opportunities to grow in virtue. It is amazing how preparing to leave all things familiar can open up your eyes to so much potential in present situations that will probably never be realized. But it is also amazing that gifts,  talents and love, offered and returned directly to the Lord from whom they come, will sanctify the sinner and lift the soul to greatest heights when this is done in secret. "But Mary treasured all these things, and pondered them in her heart." Contrary to popular belief, unrealized worldly potential may be just what the doctor ordered. For instance, have you ever walked past the baby cribs inside Target in search of laundry bags - simultaneously realizing that you will never shop for a baby crib and feeling surprisingly sad about it, wondering what your daughter might have looked like, wondering who the heck your husband would have been since you seem to be envisioning this product of the marital act inside your brains, and receiving from God the consolation that any peace and happiness you may have enjoyed in earthly motherhood will be exponentially increased as, with time, you allow Him to realize and make manifest your spiritual motherhood? I have. 

It is in moments like these - recognizing the goodness that God has given us in the world and the holiness that can come from it all, while at the same time being able to embrace that I have been invited to venture onto the straighter, narrower, more direct and more perfect path - that I am learning to find the greatest happiness, and highest degrees of both patience and anticipation for the day I will enter my community. People keep asking me what I want to DO during these final few weeks in the world and whether it might not be a better idea to wait another year. Or two years. Or become an active sister. Or... get married and have babies! Don't I want to travel? Go skydiving? See my favorite band in concert? I should spend every day for the rest of the month at all-you-can-eat buffets! Don't I regret never having gone to Rome or the Holy Land? Walking the Way of St. James? Won't I be sad about missing so many weddings and baptisms? Who is going to organize First Friday adoration from now on? What about the children??! 

The truth is, friends, that stuff is all awesome and you can become a saint through any and all of it. Ok well maybe the all-you-can-eat-buffet might not be the most sanctifying thing. But anyway, it is all just stuff and everything pales in comparison to the prospect of becoming one of Christ's chosen brides. Two years ago I would have been singing a different song and if I had entered a convent at that time I might have regretted not doing a lot of things in the world. Thank You God for giving me this time to begin understanding how much more You have planned for me in hidden life. 

Would it have been cool to be in Rio? Heck yes. But do I have any regrets? Not a one. 

Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary - Week 1 Day 3

Luke 13:1—5
Examples Inviting Repentance

And there were present, at that very time, some that told him of the Galileans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. And he answering, said to them: Think you that these Galileans were sinners above all the men of Galilee, because they suffered such things? No, I say to you: but unless you shall do penance, you shall all likewise perish. Or those eighteen upon whom the tower fell in Siloe, and slew them: think you, that they also were debtors above all the men that dwelt in Jerusalem? No, I say to you; but except you do penance, you shall all likewise perish.

True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, Nos. 81 and 82
We Need Mary in order to Die to Ourselves

Secondly, in order to empty ourselves of self, we must die daily to ourselves. This involves our renouncing what the powers of the soul and the senses of the body incline us to do. We must see as if we did not see, hear as if we did not hear and use the things of this world as if we did not use them. This is what St. Paul calls "dying daily". Unless the grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single grain and does not bear any good fruit. If we do not die to self and if our holiest devotions do not lead us to this necessary and fruitful death, we shall not bear fruit of any worth and our devotions will cease to be profitable. All our good works will be tainted by self-love and self-will so that our greatest sacrifices and our best actions will be unacceptable to God. Consequently when we come to die we shall find ourselves devoid of virtue and merit and discover that we do not possess even one spark of that pure love which God shares only with those who have died to themselves and whose life is hidden with Jesus Christ in him.

Thirdly, we must choose among all the devotions to the Blessed Virgin the one which will lead us more surely to this dying to self. This devotion will be the best and the most sanctifying for us.

Vigil night

In a few hours pilgrims will be waking up in Rio de Janeiro for the final events of World Youth Day. My prayers are that those who are called to discern religious life, as I was during this final day in Madrid two years ago, will go home with a renewed desire to evangelize the culture. I pray that they will respond positively to the Lord's invitation and obediently, actively discern what He may be asking of them.

Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary: Week 1 Day 2

Imitation of Christ: Book 3, Chapter 13
Of the Obedience of One in Humble Subjection,
After the Example of Jesus Christ

My son, he that endeavors to withdraw himself from obedience, withdraws himself from grace; and he who seeks for himself private benefit (Matt. 16:24), loses those which are common. He that does not cheerfully and freely submit himself to his superior, it is a sign that his flesh is not as yet perfectly obedient unto him, but oftentimes kicks and murmureth against him. Learn, therefore, quickly to submit yourself to your superior, if you desire to keep your own flesh under control. For more speedily is the outward enemy overcome, if the inward man be not laid waste. There is no worse nor more troublesome enemy to the soul than you are unto yourself, if you be not well in harmony with the Spirit. It is altogether necessary that you take up a true contempt for yourself, if you desire to prevail against flesh and blood. Because as yet you love yourself too inordinately, therefore you are afraid to resign yourself wholly to the will of others. And yet, what great matter is it, if you, who are but dust and nothing, subject yourself to a man for God's sake, when I, the Almighty and the Most Highest who created all things of nothing, humbly subjected Myself to man for your sake?

I became of all men the most humble and the most abject (Luke 2:7; John 13:14), that you might overcome your pride with My humility. O dust! learn to be obedient. Learn to humble yourself, you earth and clay, and to bow yourself down under the feet of all men. Learn to break thine own wishes, and to yield thyself to all subjection.

I will enter and give thanks

One of the things that made me think I would never return to California was the lack of fellowship and community I felt in my home town every time I'd visit from New York. Now, after having spent over a year here, I am excited to see communities springing up in little pockets of the Central Valley. Young people are yearning for truth and holiness. They are seeking each other out and building the foundations for a great revolution of love ... and an epic pursuit of sainthood. Shame on me for ever doubting that the Lord would make Himself known in the youth of my home community. He is there, and they are there, and everybody is ready. Rise up Young Church. Make your life be for Him.

“Do not be afraid. Open, I say open wide the doors for Christ.”

You can bet your sweet dollaz that if you build it, they will come.

Total Consecration to Jesus Through Mary - Week 1 Day 1

Luke 11:1—10

And it came to pass, that as he was in a certain place praying, when he ceased, one of his disciples said to him: Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples. And he said to them: When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins, for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.

And he said to them: Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go to him at midnight, and shall say to him: Friend, lend me three loaves, Because a friend of mine is come off his journey to me, and I have not what to set before him. And he from within should answer, and say: Trouble me not, the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee. Yet if he shall continue knocking, I say to you, although he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend; yet, because of his importunity, he will rise, and give him as many as he needeth.

And I say to you, Ask, and it shall be given you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you. For every one that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.